


trauma

by goldenred



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt Michael Mell, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Michael Mell Protection Squad, Panic Attacks, Protect, Scared Michael, boyf riends - Freeform, boyf riends is established, jeremy comforts michael, mentions of abuse, meremy, meremy hell, michael has flashbacks, michael mell is traumatized, protect him, they are boyf riends, trigger warning, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenred/pseuds/goldenred
Summary: theres a reason why michael tells everyone he doesnt remember his life before his moms adopted him, but after crying on his bathroom floor, he tells jeremy.tw//mentions of abuse, though its only barely one sentence of mention
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	trauma

**Author's Note:**

> not proofread

_ “please, if you ever have another bad night, or day, call me. i will drop everything for you.” jeremy wanted to make sure michael was always safe. michael nodded _

_ michael’s sobs from his bad day calmed down with jeremy rubbing circles on his back. “you can call me if you’re ha-having a bad time, too.” a hiccup interrupted his talking in the middle of his sentence. _

_ “i will.” jeremy brought his hand up and stuck out his pinky, michael did, too. “promise, we’ll help each other through this.” they locked pinkies.  _

now, michael was curled up on his bathroom floor. he woke up from a nightmare and went to the bathroom to splash water on his face, but began freaking out. his phone was somewhere beside him, but the exact location was unknown. his head was down and smooshed into his arms, violent sobs interrupting any peace that may have been there before.

“jeremy..” michael sniffled his boyfriends name. by this point, he subconsciously knew jeremy would be the only thing that could calm him. he recalled their promise they made before they even got together, and his shaky hand searched for his phone.

when he found it, he was quick to unlock it and click jeremy’s number, even though he couldnt see his phone all that well beyond the tears that blocked his vision.

the ringing stopped and jeremy’s voice sounded from the phone, it was quiet, but hearable. “michael, it’s 3am, what do you need?” jeremy sounded soft, tired, but that wasnt enough to pull michael out of his state. jeremy could easily hear sobs from his side of the phone. “oh shit, okay, i’ll be right over, michael. can you stay on the phone with me?” shuffling noises were heard from the phone.

“je-jeremy.” michael sobbed, it was clear to see he was beginning to hyperventilate.

“it’s okay, micha. i’m on my way. can you try and breathe, micha? here.” jeremy started counting, hoping michael would try to match his breathing to the numbers. michael could barely hear him, his ears were ringing, but he heard him enough and did his best to breathe for him.

“thats better,” jeremy’s front door was heard opening, then closing. “okay, i’m coming.” 

michael tried to say something, but he choked on what was probably a sob. 

“dont worry about talking, baby, its okay.” the sound of jeremy’s feet running against the pavement was in the background, “i’m almost there.” 

michael tried to flood his mind with jeremy, but flashbacks only became stronger. he tried countering with every time jeremy has kissed him, but they continued to come back stronger. the effort he was putting into this made his breathing pick up again. 

“i’m here. i’m gonna come inside, okay? can you tell me where you are?” 

michaels ears rang so loud, but the phone was now near his face, so he could hear jeremy better. “ba-bathro-om.” michael mumbled, hiccups taking over his breath.

“alright, i’m gonna hang up, but i’m at your house now, okay?” jeremy reassured him he wasnt just leaving him.

michael made a ‘mhm’ noise between his sobs. then the end call sound came from his phone.

michael dropped his phone. images of his biological father flashed in his head, he pulled his own hair trying to get them to stop. maybe he was lying to everyone. maybe he did remember a time before being adopted by his mothers, but he chose to forget and not let anyone know. 

“i lied to th-them.” michael whispered, “he’s gon-na kill m-me.” although he was young, the memories were fresh as day. his brain made the terrible choice to not let go of them. tonight had to be the worst night for these flashbacks, they were lasting so much longer and evoked a lot more fear in michael. he shook violently on the floor of his small bathroom.

suddenly a soft voice was beside him. “micha, i’m here. can you hear me?” the owner of the voice had heard michaels mumbling to himself, but didnt want to bring any attention back to it. his job right now was to bring michael back out of his head, not ask questions out of his own curiosity.

michael once again made a small ‘mhm’ noise, which told jeremy he could hear him. sobs continued to erupt through him, each one made jeremy want to help him even more, he didnt like seeing him in pain.

“can i touch you?” jeremy asked, whispering. michael didnt answer, jeremy was about to put a hand gently on his knee, but michael shook his head quickly. jeremy backed his hand away, “okay.”

michael was already overwhelmed, he didnt know if he could handle even a simple touch. 

“i’m here. nothings gonna hurt you and no ones gonna hurt you, micha. i promise.” jeremy spoke, “just focus on my voice, love.” michael nodded. “thank you for calling me. i know you dont usually like people around when this happens, so thank you.” jeremy kept saying sweet nothings—read:everythings—to michael, his voice acting like a plug, clogging michaels brain and slowing the flashbacks. 

“look at me?” michael looked up, his eyes lined with red and pouring tears, his breathing was fast and uneven and hiccuping. “match your breath to mine?” michael nodded. 

michael lifted his still shaky hand and reached for jeremy’s hand, maybe it would help him pay more attention to him, and not whatever was happening in his brain. jeremy took his hand in his own, lacing their fingers together as he steadied his own breathing for michael to match. 

michael watched jeremy closely as he tried to match their breaths. trail and error. he looked jeremy in the eye, his sobs finally calming. jeremy nodded at him and smiled, indicating he was doing a good job breathing. though his breath was still hiccupy and jumping from inhale to exhale, it was getting better, he was almost there. 

“i’m sorry fo-for waking you.” michael whispered, gripping jeremy’s hand just a bit tighter. 

“hey, you’re more important than sleep. i’m not joking.” jeremy carefully reached up, bringing his hand to michaels cheek to wipe his tears. he hesitated over his cheek for a moment to make sure michael was calmed enough for him to touch him in more places than one, and when michael didnt back away, he gently placed his hand on his cheek and dried it.

“you are truly the bes-best boyfriend anyone could ask for.” michael gave jeremy a goofy grin, clear in his face that he was still upset. jeremy had to know. why should he not? “i’ve been ly-lying to you. and everyone.” 

jeremy tilted his head in confusion. 

“i do rememb-“ michaels breathing suddenly kickstarted again, but he tried to talk, “remember bef-fore my mo-moms adopted me.” jeremys face was a bit shocked, but he still kept himself in the calm state michael needed him to be in right now.

“micha, its okay.” michael shook his head.

“i feel ba-bad. for lying.” 

“you were protecting yourself, really, its okay.” jeremy clearly had sadness within his eyes, michael saw it. jeremy didn’t particularly like seeing his boyfriend on his bad days, it broke his heart, but he knew he was one of the only things that could help him through it. 

michael began shaking again. jeremy opened his arms the slightest, letting michael know he could hug him, and he did. he threw himself into jeremy’s arms and loosely wrapped his own arms around his neck. jeremy pulled michael closer to him, protectively wrapping his arms around his torso. he could feel michaels body shaking. 

“do you wanna tell me what you remember? or should we not go there today?” jeremy very carefully put a hand in michaels hair, not wanting to startle him, and began patting his hair.

“he, uhm, one time h-he locked me i-in a small room wih-with no light—and when he came back h..he-“ michael exhaled, “he had a be-belt and h-he—he-“ jeremy felt his shoulder become wet with tears as michael buries his face into it.

“you’re safe now, bub. i promise, i wont let anyone hurt you ever again.” jeremy whispered near michaels ear, still gently playing with his hair.

michael could feel jeremy’s breath, he tried to match it once again. he focused on the feeling of jeremy’s hand in his hair, he focused on the soft sound of jeremy’s breathing, he focused on the many sweet words that flowed out of jeremy’s mouth. jeremy knew how to keep michaels mind distracted, and it worked every time.

when he noticed michael calming down again, he asked, “want to go into your room?” and michael nodded against his shoulder.

they stood up, michael immediately grabbing jeremy for support. he was down for too long, his head spun and his legs threatened to give out, but jeremy held him up until he gained balance. michael was quick to lay on his bed when they got to his room.

“need anything? water? a snack?” jeremy asked before he would lay next to him.

“you.” michael mumbled back. jeremy climbed into bed alongside michael and pulled the blanket over them both. 

they laid next to each other for what felt like an eternity in the dark silence. “you doing better?” jeremy turned his head, making eye contact with michael.

michael nodded as jeremy turned his whole body towards him, now laying on his side just like michael. 

“thank you so much. you’re an amazing boyfriend.” michaels eyes were still puffy and red, but he smiled at jeremy. jeremy brought a hand up and put his palm on michaels cheek.

“i dont want you to hurt.” jeremy whispered. michael leaned forward and gave his boyfriend a kiss.

“we have school tomorrow, we gotta sleep.” 

“you sure you wanna go? you think you’ll get enough sleep?” he rubbed michaels cheek where his hand still sat.

“i’ll be fine, i promise.” a smile came across his face.

they got into their Most Optimum Cuddling Position—little spoon michael—after whispering many “i love you”s to each other.


End file.
